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| first day of school. sucked. took me forever to find my locker. a whole new environment. walking down the hallway not knowing everyone. i thought i could get used to it pretty fast, since this isn't my first time going to a brand new school without knowing anyone. but it wasn't easy. i was lost and confused, not only in that new school, in my life too. i was wondering what i should do with my life. is it even worth it to work my ass off in high school to get those 4.0s? while everyone else is having fun? why is it always harder for me. when everyone else never had to experience it. i wanna live my life to the fullest too. but its hard to be all happy when everything isn't going well. i think back to the times where all these drama happened at cap. it was stupid. i let it all go. i miss everyone. even thought i don't talk to half of 'em anymore. looking back, they were such good friends to me. every single one of 'em. even people who hated for no reason. i never had to chance to say sorry to 'em. sorry for taking it so much further when it didn't need to. i especially miss my sisters. my besterest. nd even some of my teachers. my friends taught me so much. i've become a better person because of 'em.
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| there's just no way. i jst can't get over it. seeing everyone else being happily in love makes me think of the time we had together. so much that we been through. so many memories. it hurts to even reminisce. its not fair bcus the girl's alwais more sensitive. its alwais harder. i kept tellin maself that i need to learn to let it go. buh its jst soo GODDDDDAMNMAFCKiN hard. ierno what to do. cryin doesn't bring him back. buh my tears are jst like water, pourin outta ma eyes. i thought i was okay, buh i'm not. ma feelings for him jst won't go away. every little thing jst brings back ma memories wit him. when we were both so happy together. when everythin was so perfect. when he still tells me that he missed me. when he still calls me babe. i've miss him so much. its been almost a month now. school's about to end. ierno if we could still stay close. i'm jst so fcking scared. and there's nothin i could do. i need him back. back in my life.
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| 4 months; this is it. heartbroken. so much to love, remember, and miss. erithin we been thru. started as best friends, alwais down for whatever. this hit me so badly. he meant so much to me like no others. ierno how ima face him erriday without being with him. being with him made me so happy. i felt like no other girl in this world. its hard to let go. it hurts me to even think about it. i guess i never felt this way for anyone like him before. he's been the one who made me smile, who listens to me all the time, who tells me tat he misses me. i just dont know how to get used to not hearing these things anymore. crying doesn't help me. yelling doesn't help me. talking to someone doesn't really help me. i jst can't find a way to get my mind off him. i really don't know what to do anymore. i guess time will jst let everything pass by. but this memory will always be somewhere in my heart. nd i'll never forget the times we were together. the times we hung out. the times we argued. i thought we were stronger enough to get thru a little problem like this. is breakin up really the best way to handle things? cus then your breaking ma heart too.
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| gah, school's so stressful. tryna keep those grades up tho. another year passed by; hella fast. i'm about to be a junoir. haha. damn. getting hella old. kinda lookin forward to next year. new schoo = new people. =) buhh ima miss everyone tho. i wish i could stay at cap for all four years. i guess its time for a change rite?
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| 031108; 2 months babe <3
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